Saturday on Santa Monica Blvd.

19 Apr
My gal pal came into town this weekend.
 
Whatever, we did fun stuff, but that’s not what this is about.
 
This is about one of two things:
 
1. A homeless man
2. The oldest hipster in LA
 
Saturday afternoon, after a long day of shopping in the Fashion District, we sat down at St. Felix’s on Santa Monica Blvd. up the street from my apartment.
 
As we were sipping on our sunset cocktails, a bum (or hipster, so hard to tell) approached us.
 
Yeah, okay, so we’ve all made the homeless/hipster jokes before, it’s not a new thing to joke about, but it’s not about that either. We truly couldn’t tell until he approached us.
 
He was listening to a turquoise iPod while strolling around West Hollywood in Toms. 
 
The biggest fashionista living on the streets or the oldest hipster this side of Cresent Heights? 
 
We decided on the former because his second time around the block he walks straight up to my friend and exclaims quite loudly in front of approximately 15 bar patrons:
 
“ARE YOU THAT BITCH THAT’S STARING AT ME!?”
 
I thought that this was hilarious because what kind of question is that? How do you answer that?
 
“No, I’m the bitch that’s staring at that other guy.” 
 
or
 
“No, it’s not me, that would be her, over there.” 
 
Irrelevant.
 
Later that night I was telling the story to Nancy at one of my favorite bars in Los Feliz, The Griffin.  I’m – naturally – yelling the story at her.
 
“AND THEN AFTER HE YELLS AT JAHZY FOR A WHILE, SAYING STUFF LIKE, ‘I KNOW I’M A BASTARD, BUT YOU’RE A BITCH!’ AND STUFF, HE WALKS BEHIND ME, PUTS HIS HAND ON MY SHOULDER, LIKE THIS. AND THAT’S WHEN I HAD MY FIRST ORGASM.”
 
As we were cracking up at my funny, the guy next to us at the bar, looks at me and says,
 
“Well that’s an interesting thing to overhear the last sentence of!”
 
A few moments later, we had turned it into the new “…and then I found $20…” to make a bad story good.
 
Needless to say we had a great night.
 
 
 
 
And THAT’s when I had my first orgasm.
 
 
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One Response to “Saturday on Santa Monica Blvd.”

  1. Tracy April 19, 2011 at 6:44 pm #

    Sooo funny!!

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