Goodbye, Job, This is Our Final Farewell… (THANK GOD)

18 Feb

Oh my.

Wrapping up my last couple hours here. WHERE IS MY WINE/WHISKEY/WEINHARD? UGH. My back has decided to throw in the towel, so it feels like several little knives are randomly stabbing me every few seconds. Did I mention that I just spent 50% of my bank account on my car today? Yep, the shithole decided to throw in the towel as well. Me? Me, I’m just fine. Knowing that I get to go to the gym tonight, sweat myself dry in the sauna/steamroom, hydrate back up with liquor, and wake up sometime tomorrow, brings a bit of joy amongst the general apathy of this week.

One of the executive’s three daughters are running around selling us our own pencils and hand sanitizer as well as passing out handwritten cards, asking us if we’ve ‘recycled yet today.’  Normally I would love this and chat up a storm with the gals, but they way too old to hold and I’m tired, so…

Last but not least, I wanted to share something magical with you.  In honor of my last day here, I want to wrap this out by letting you see the inside of our accountant’s office.

When I first started here, just three weeks ago, I happened to walk by and see her door cracked open.

“Interesting,” I thought. “They must have just wrapped out a show using a ton of plants and temporarily stored them in that abandoned office.”

A few days later, catching another glimpse, the plants were still there, in the exact same condition.

“That’s odd.”

Then I met her. And walked into her office. And was scared.

Do you know the smell of slightly rotting bouquets? When you get flowers from someone and they’re nice and special so you wait to throw them away until the water is murky and the stems are rotting and all the petals have fallen off?

That is what her office smells like.

And yes, she has posters of tigers, and cats, and other random images on poster foam board. And there are really old deflated balloons still attached to some of the dying plants.

She is a blonde in her late 60’s with a strong foreign accent, shaved off eyebrows replaced with grey tattooed eyebrows, the only makeup she wears is metallic green eyeliner, and has probably had several chemical peels on her face. Plus she’s about 4’11.” When she’s not calling me sweetheart and being nice, she’s belittling me or anyone around her. Plus the floor around her desk is entirely covered in loose papers, probably involving the paychecks or tax information that dozens of people have been calling about never receiving.

Yesterday I spent 2 hours with a blowdryer, drying one page a time of a binder that got wet from a leak in her office. Don’t worry, she let me know every 20 minutes that each page had to be dry, not just some. So… glad she told me that because I was going to dry just a couple pages here and there. And also they had to be completely dry, and it’s a very important binder, and make sure each page is dry, and… and… and… BYE JOB!

I snuck these photos yesterday. Couldn’t leave without it. Enjoy…


2 Responses to “Goodbye, Job, This is Our Final Farewell… (THANK GOD)”

  1. Schukis February 18, 2011 at 5:52 pm #

    I Cannot.

  2. Mom February 27, 2011 at 9:50 pm #

    Oh God, just threw my head back a million times…now wiping my eyes dry from laughter!! Good job Kate, you pasted the test of never accepting another boring job…EVER!!

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