Oh Shit… I’ve Finally Gone and Done It…

16 Feb

Sometimes I want to write about my dating life. Right now, for instance, I feel like Carrie Freakin’ Bradshaw, chilling at my desk, on a Mac, wanting to write about men.  To the public.  Except, I don’t have a column in a newspaper, I’m not getting paid for it, and practically the only people who read my blog are people who know me personally. So basically it would be a mass text message to anyone I’ve ever met.  Which actually might be pretty normal because I would have to say that pretty much everyone that I have had a conversation with, has heard plenty about my personal life, right off the bat. That’s just me. I’m wide open, usually too open…

When I was in college, I was in a sorority. Yep, I was. My Junior/Senior year, I was elected to educate our newest crop of babies on what it means to be a Delta Gamma.   *See below for special DG info.

I did that. Educate them. On Delta Gamma. And my personal life. (My very personal life…)

I can’t tell you how many times I would just get sucked into their little eyes as they looked at me, all 20 of them, listening to whatever I had to say. There’s this thing I can’t stop doing… When I have an audience, I will keep going. I will entertain until it’s clearly time to stop. Which was usually Happy Hour…

I felt like a mother telling their little children bedtime stories at night before bedtime, and then watch them fall asleep and have darling little dreams, except they were grown women, in college, meeting Sunday evenings before they went out and got hammered and banged random dudes, probably. So, not the same. (JK gals… CD’s 4 life!)

Now, I don’t mind at all if they took my horrible tales of dating, and spread my stories far and wide, because my parents and their friends and my little brother and any of my ex’s are most likely not going to be those who hear about it from them.

I joined an online dating site.


I said it.

It just came out.

Whatever. So far it still seems like I’m at a bar, browsing through people that I’m not really interested in, except they aren’t there in person so I don’t know if they secretly have a growth on their left cheek and that’s why all 19 of their pictures are of the right side of their face, pursing their lips.

I can’t tell if they gel their hair back or have a very tightly pulled ponytail or that they smell bad or have braces or their voice just kills me.  And there’s no wine or bourbon, so I’m probably not dressed up, so I most likely don’t feel that flirty (i.e. desperate), and I don’t hear any terrible juke box music, and also I’m sitting in an old elementary school in Santa Monica at 11:30am.  Online dating is weird.

Typically I rely heavily on that first meeting, how someone makes me feel. Most of the time, nothing. But every now and again, I get very happy to meet people, feel that spark.  Either way, I’m over dating, let’s get this single thing over with.

Learning about someone through emailing and what they think of themselves, is tricky.  But, I’ve finally admitted to myself that I really do need to find someone to procreate with if I’m going to be able to start collecting babies in the next 5-7 years.

So, here goes…

*Side note: I’ve been kicked out of my sorority. If you were my sister and are surprised by this, so was I! I’m happy to explain what happened if you ask 🙂 It involves a banana, $6,000, a box of crayons, and Jonathan Taylor Thomas.


2 Responses to “Oh Shit… I’ve Finally Gone and Done It…”

  1. Bailey Shultz February 16, 2011 at 6:29 pm #

    SO happy and proud to be one of the babies you taught… your stories will live on forever in the CD pledge class Momma Kate. 🙂

    • Sue Ann February 19, 2011 at 9:07 am #

      I miss my Mary Ellen.

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