The 53rd Annual Grammys, Part 1

3 Feb

Well friends, I’m bored. And if you’re reading this, you probably are too.

You may think that my job right now is exciting and glamorous, but you’d be wrong. At least for now.

From 9am-6pm I sit behind a glass partition, at a desk, with a big  ole phone and my laptop in front of me, listening to the phone ring, picking it up, saying the same thing, over and over and over and over and over.

I can’t answer anyone’s questions, I hardly know the faces of any of the 35 people I’m transferring calls to, much less what they do.

“Who should I talk to about tickets?”

-I don’t know.

“What does John Doe do?”

-I don’t know.

“What time do the Grammy’s start?”

-I dunno.

I literally don’t have a clue what’s going on.

They’ve set me up here to seem like the biggest idiot, so I kind of act like one.

If you give me no responsibility or information, I’m just gonna go with it.

I will make your coffee, transfer your calls (hopefully. It turns out I am a terrible receptionist… at least this kind of receptionist…), clean your dishes and your messes, and make sure your soda is cold.

I will not use my brain. At all.

The only interesting thing that happens here, is finding poop in the toilet.

Don’t get me wrong, I think everyone else is actually doing interesting things and making a great show, but what I do… a robot could do.

I have two interviews tomorrow… and now that I’m fatter, can’t fit into any of my nice pants, so my ex-boss/mentor is making me go buy a pair.

Anyone seen Wet Hot American Summer? I feel like Janeane Garofalo’s character, asking the hot girl what to wear to impress a guy.

“So when one wants to impress a guy, what would one wear? Pants? Like, a nice pair of pants?”

Hopefully one of these jobs works out. This one… oh this job…

The other night my mom had a dream that I went to Portland to visit her and brought my friend’s 1 year old baby daughter with me.  My mom apparently thought it was odd, but loved the girl so much and we had a great week playing together. Then all of a sudden I go,

“Yeah… actually, mom… it’s my baby… but… I just got a job, so… Sorry, but I gotta go…”

And left my baby with my mom and went back to LA. My mom was mad at first, but then realized it made sense, I really shouldn’t bring my baby with me after getting that job, and she really liked having her.

So pretty much she had a dream about what Rikki does to her in real life, but with kittens…

Next week production moves to the Staples Center, and I’ve decided that’s when this job becomes great… stay tuned…

 

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