Dating UGHHH cont.

15 Dec

Oh, I forgot one story, speaking of requirement #4.

We’ve all experienced it. Start dating someone. Like them or don’t like them. Whatever. But they keep wanting to see you. Then one day they fill you in on a detail that

A. You don’t want to hear about

B. Make you want to just turn around and leave right then and there.

They have ex-girlfriend issues.

Now, we’ve all had our fair share of relationships gone wrong, or disastrous, or horrendous.  We’re all still here and living and coping and dating other people, maybe a bit more cautiously and with the knowledge that this person may be an axe murderer or likes to pee on 14 year old boys, but we still get out there, hope for the best, and try.

There is nothing I hate more than boys who blame how shitty they are on an ex.  Man up, grow up, and get on with it. If you are a prick, don’t blame someone else. So someone cheated on you? So it didn’t work out? LIFE GOES ON.

I BRIEFLY dated this guy in New Orleans. I was actually on a date with him when I met one my boyfriends… He introduced us and then later, when I started dating the new guy and not him, he said that “he knew we’d be great for each other, and that’s why he set us up.” Right.

So a couple years later, when I was dating Blue Mouthwash, he blessed me with this story. I told Mouthwash that I had dated this guy for a hot minute and that he was not my type, as in he was 34, the only piece of furniture in his apartment was a turntable, and his pillowcase was a t-shirt. I’m not kidding. All he ever did was text me about his cat and want me to go over at night and watch movies…  which I never did. (Obviously, we all know what ‘watch a movie means,’ it means makeout on the couch. But when the guy doesn’t have a couch… Yeah. Not gonna happen.)

Apparently Turntables picked up one of Mouthwash’s friends at a bar.  Before this all happened, I told Mouthwash the basics about Turntables. He wants to watch movies at night, he was scorned by an ex-lover and can’t commit. This is how the story goes.

Turntables picks up Ladyfriend at a bar, gets her number, blah blah. Texts her at night, wanting to watch movies. Check. Eventually she invites him to go over to her house for a movie. They are chatting, sitting on the couch, making conversation about this and that and


A poster of The Notebook on the wall to his right catches his eye.

He makes a longing look at this image, clearly sent back into time where he was deeply in love and then had his heart smashed, dramatically looks down to the left, and quietly, emotionally, lets out

“I was in love once…”

BAM! Emeril Lagasse style!

Who does that!? I mean really!? The Notebook?! I was in love once?!  Come on…

It makes for a hilarious story, but god.


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