Follow-up to Carbsgiving

28 Nov

I would definitely eat this.

I’ve been a vegetarian since I was 16. So it’s been, what, 26 years now? (7). This was pretty much the first Thanksgiving I’ve had since I was in high school. This is for several reasons:

Why would I fly home for one full day of travelling hell, watch my family cook a turkey (that I’m not going to eat and think looks insane) for a day, eat a small pile of potatoes and bread rolls, wake up the next morning, and then fly all the way back to New Orleans for another whole day of travelling hell? No thank you.

My first vegetarian Thanksgiving was awful. My family still didn’t take my new eating habits seriously and I think cooked more meat products than they normally did ever before. They found a way to put a meat product in literally everything. I ended up eating some bread rolls I think. That was the end of exciting Thanksgivings for me.

So Thursday was the first Thanksgiving I’ve had with any family in a long time, and the first Thanksgiving I’ve ever had with my dad’s side of the family.

Throughout my times as a Veggie, my awesome pranksters of friends have tried planting meat in my food using all sorts of various ways too see if I will find it or notice it.

Remember 3D Dorito’s? Yeah, my guy friends during a camping trip my sophomore year of high school impregnated my 3D Dorito’s with minute bits of hot dog. You should’ve seen the way they stared at me with every crunch of chip.  They gave it away. I found the hot dog.

My high school boyfriend used to stick little bits of beef in my vegetable stir fry when we went to eat at asian restaraunts, hoping I wouldn’t see it. His staring gave it away too.

During Katrina evacuation a girl that lived nearby in Houston, who would later become my sorority sister, hosted a dinner at her house. Her parents cooked pasta with a meat sauce. I let them know that I didn’t eat meat and that plain pasta with butter and salt would be perfect. Naturally they forgot and put meat sauce all over my pasta. Trish was there, and took it upon herself to let the family know I couldn’t eat what they had just placed in front of me.

Their solution? Put it back in the strainer and “wash” the meat sauce off. So I got my original pasta back, this time with only tons of little bits of ground beef sprinkled all over. Yayy…. I basically just forked around the noodles for an hour. That sucked. I love eating.

There was a weird trend going for a while a few years ago between myself and the guys I was dating.  They all wanted me to “eat meat for them.” Like, if I ate meat ‘for them’ I was somehow proving my feelings. WEIRD.  I wanted to say, will you eat shit for me? How about a used tampon? No?! You wouldn’t do that for me?! How will I ever know how much you care?!

Dumb.

As a vegetarian, I get asked a lot “So… how do you get protein?”

Well, people, it’s easy. Contrary to popular belief, meat is not the only source of protein.

Beans are my meat. Yeah, I said it. Beans.

When I first moved to Los Angeles, my sister and her roommate were introduced to my ‘cooking’ and eating habits.

I microwave beans. That’s pretty much it. I don’t cook, I don’t want to clean up after myself, I don’t want to spend more than 30 seconds making something that I want to eat absolutely right then and there.

Nancy and Preston were disgusted. I cannot tell you how many times the two of them rubbed shoulders and chuckled at how gross and weird I was.

Beans are full of fiber and protein and mix perfectly with everything I could ever want to eat in a matter of minutes. They are my ‘meat,’ if you will. That and of course greek yogurt, milk, oatmeal, quinoa, and other protein rich whole grains.

So beans were a joke for a while. Until I stopped eating at home altogether when I started only going home to sleep and shower occasionally. Now I get ready in the car on the way to work at the numerous stop lights and stop signs, eat breakfast at work, and then have coffee at work. I have breakfast, lunch, snacks, and dinner at work. I go home to sleep.

The other day, I accompanied Preston to dinner. He has recently re-become vegetarian and is on a ridiculously intense diet (anorexia) and can (will) only eat certain things (nothing). As we sit down for him to devour his soy chicken and lettuce salad (mmmm), he breaks down and confesses that beans have saved his life. He cannot imagine anything more perfect for his diet than beans.

They go with everything, they are fast, they keep well, they are full of fiber and protein.

Oh how I laughed at him. HA! He had to enter the jungle to see the ways of the tiger. After all the laughter spent on making fun of my diet, he is now beans’ #2 fan.

Go figure.

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