Prank Calls, Gypsies, and Period Bloating (Not What You Might Think).

10 Nov

I worked in retail from 18 to 23.  (Yes I’m still 23 but let’s hope that my retail experience ends here.) Some pretty weird shit has happened in the various boutiques and malls I’ve worked in.  Here are a couple of my favorites:

Bebe.

Yes okay. I worked at Bebe. And it is spelled ‘beebee.’ Sorry.
I started working there the summer after my freshman year of college.  Before that my only retail experience was selling prom dresses and wedding gowns at Jessica McClintock. (Okay, yes, I worked there too, I know.)  At every retail location there are regulars that come in frequently.  There are those everyone loves and there are those everyone runs from.  At JMC it was the Gypsies.  They would all come in at the same time, boisterous, rude, and loaded with cash, and trying to bargain by waving it all around at the cash wrap.  They awkwardly came in, all wanting the same dresses to wear to the same wedding.  A lot of times they would argue over the same white dresses.  And no, they weren’t the brides.  They were the guests.
JMC was where I learned to prank call.  During my lunch I would wander across the street to Pioneer Place Square in downtown Portland where all the food carts were (before they exploded in popularity and filled every parking lot) sit down, and dial my store.
Nancy started working at JMC with her best friend Anna and I towards the end of the summer.  One day I left for lunch after a particularly frustrating Gypsy hour for Nancy.

Hello. Theese eez Geena from earlier. Eez Nanzy dere?

Yes this is her.

Hi. Uh Yez, Nanzy. Can I get dee drezz I waz trying on?

Which dress was it?

Dee whide one.

The wide one?

Dee whide one.

The white one?

Yeez.

Which white one?

Zee long one.

They’re all long.

Zee one wid de rhinestones.

Almost all of them have rhinestones. Let me transfer you to the manager.

Anna: Hello there. How can I help you?

I want Nanzy. I only want to talk weeth Nanzy.

She is with a customer right now, can I help you?

No. I just want her.

Nancy gets back on the phone. Clearly frustrated to DEATH.

Hello. I need to know which white one with the rhinestones you want?

Hey Nance, its actually Kate. Don’t worry about the dress. I don’t want it anymore.


Sidetracked. I was taking about Bebe.
One day a man walked in. Apparently he was Bebe’s Gypsies. Everyone instantly dispersed and got ‘busy.’
I’m new.  I greet him.
Hello! Welcome to Bebe! Are you looking for anything in particular I can help you find?
Ughhh. Honey, I would love a pair of white pants right now but I’m on my period and don’t want to bleed on them!
Oh. Ok.
You know when you’re on your period and ALL YOU WANT is brownies and chocolate?! Ughhh.
I sure do…?
Well I am DYING for a brownie right now but am so frickin’ bloated I don’t think I should! You know?! I mean right?!
Yep. Love me some period brownies.
At this point we have wandered over to the shoes.
Ugh OMG I LOVE these! (VERY tall strappy stilettos)
Would you like for me to get you your size to try?
Oh no thanks darling! I love them but my feet are SO SWOLLEN from being on my PERIOD. You know?! I mean right?!
Tots ma-gotes. Hate those period feet.
The whole time he was in here he was just whiny and pouty. Typical. What would I expect from a gal during her PERIOD?!
So then he left, dragging his little fingers along the silk shirts on the bottom rack, sighing.
Two weeks later, he was back.
Hey there! Welcome back!
Oh hey!
Are you looking for anything today?
Ugh you know, I am DYING for a new top, but I’m SO BLOATED from my period! I’d feel SO FAT in anything right now! You know?! Right!? Don’t you HATE that time of the month!?
Yes. Yes I do. I hate it every time you come in here on your period this month so far. I hate every single period you have each month.
This is when I learned that maybe Gypsies aren’t so bad after all.
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One Response to “Prank Calls, Gypsies, and Period Bloating (Not What You Might Think).”

  1. sister November 10, 2010 at 7:34 pm #

    I have no recollection of this lol. I HATE prank calls.

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