Oh Where the Internet Takes You…

14 Sep

Here’s how this post is going to go: I am going to start off with what I’m doing right now, and end with some hilarious moments.

I am sitting here in Starbucks (it was the only place open late enough near me…) with the plan to finally start writing.  I ate one of those sandwiches Starbucks sells and while that was happening decided to catch up on current events via CNN.com this led me to an article about which is easier to raise: boys or girls.  This inevitably led me to solving my 16 yr old brother’s teenage boredom.

Most of you probably know that I firmly and honestly believe that I am 70% mother, 30% sister to Blake.  This little child ‘o mine will be my firstborn until I have a real firstborn… Anyways, he’s your typical 16 year old (Mamma’s) boy.  And I’ll tell you I feel like I am in an incredibly complicated situation where I am co-mother with Blake’s actual mother and I get jealous because I don’t live with them and she gets more of the credit for his upbringing than I do.

Blake is hilarious, athletic, tall (finally!! Yes!!), and quite the strapping young lad.  However, he fails to see the importance of getting good grades, having responsibility, and taking his life into his own hands.  Okay, okay, I know he’s only 16 and I guess the struggle of being a parent is letting your kid make their own mistakes and learning blah, blah, blah but why can’t he just listen to what I’m saying and do exactly as I tell him to?!

Sidetracked again. Writing turned into solving Blake’s problems and emailing his other mother some interesting articles that came up after Googling “how to engage a bored teenage boy.” So here I sit, in a Starbucks in the Valley trying to help my mother with parenting my sonther. Yes I said it. My sonther.

When I was in Portland over the summer, Rikki came up early from Chico to spend a few days before we went off to Minnesota. Right after she arrived we began to fulfill our ritual of first contact with being in one bathroom and talking while getting ready. Getting ready for what? Who knows usually, we always find somewhere to go afterwards.  Anyways, it doesn’t matter where we are getting ready to go to. Blake is aware of this, as this tradition has been occurring since I went away to college five years ago.  So there we are in the bathroom, mom, Rik, and I, chatting, mascara-ing, blush-ing, etc. when Blake (who was standing behind us, hangin’) calmly says, “Look.” Mid-chat Rik and I both glance at him, see that he’s holding something in his hands, and then we pause. It’s his balls.  “HAHAHAHA!” Blake dies laughing.

And this is when Blake officially figured out how to hang with the sisters.  He had finally figured out how to enjoy our girly huggy gossip time while letting us know he’s still a man.

Anyhow, more about Blake’s balls. My mom and Blake have always been very close, almost too close… something I’ve been jealous of my entire life.  All us girls tell each other everything, and you think that the boy would probably not be like that, but, alas he is.  Collectively we all end up knowing everything about everyone.

In April we went to Phoenix to spend time with my mom’s parents in their amazing home in the Boulders.  After dinner our first night there, some of us decided to stop by the hot tub to relax.  Blake, mom, Kayla (cousin,21), and I sat in the hot tub while Danny (cousin, 23) and Nana took a cat nap on the nearby lounge chairs.

We’re just chatting and swimming and I casually look at Blake who was sitting next to me, and ask, “So Blake, are your pubes red?” This isn’t random because it had been a while since I asked and the last time I did he said it was too soon to tell. Anyways, he looks at me like, uhm I’m not gonna say… Mom looks over and says, “Kate, you have to see his biceps, they have just gotten huge! He is getting so strong!” Blake clearly doesn’t  feel like showcasing his powerful manscles he’s acquired from Varsity basketball and begrudgingly  denies her request.  Something else comes up, we chat, we relax. I look back over at Blake again and repeat my question and quietly ask, “So. Are they red?” It doesn’t matter what his response is because immediately Mom pipes up and exclaims, “Blake just show her!! Kate you just have to see them.” No thanks, Mom, hearing about it is good enough for me… “Oh come on, its very surprising! You have to see! Blake just SHOW HER!” While mom’s soliloquy occurs, Nana and Danny wake up and stare. Kayla, Blake, and I are making eye contact, all in agreement that this has gone too far. I’m wondering if our family has finally crossed the line from being ‘really close’ to just plain bizarre. I was planning the chat I realized I had to have with my mom about this when she says, “Blake come on! Show her! Kate, they’re like a rock!” A possible explanation to my mom’s very weird obsession with Blake’s pubes/balls develops in my head slowly and I reply, “Wait… what exactly  are you talking about?” Mom replies, “His biceps.”  Naturally. So in the end I didn’t have to have a scary conversation with my mom or call child services. But I do now know the color of Blake’s pubes, and his biceps are pretty great.

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